1621, Native Americans have placed a curse on the pilgrims
by using native magic to create a demonically possessed turkey that
promises to wreak vengeful havoc on the white man until the curse
is able to be broken. You heard about the first Thanksgiving.
You've seen the timeless photos of Native Americans sitting down to
a feast with the English Puritans who aren't able to cut it in the
new world. But what happened after dinner? After all, there was no
big screen TV to loosen the belt in front of while downing some
brews to college football. Well, ThanksKilling fills in those
gaping holes in American history. Get ready for some carnage. And
folks... this film promises to be one he*l of a turkey! A bare
breas*ed Puritan (ain't nothin' more pure than that) runs through
the woods, scared shi*less from something presumably Indians. Not
so much. She s got a homicidal turkey on her tail and that turkey
is out for blood, but oddly the axe doesn't fall before the turkey
compliments her brea*ts. Kinda ironic that a turkey should be a
brea*t man. Cut forward to present time and five college kids (the
most mismatched bunch of buddies you've seen) are headed out of
school and to Thanksgiving break, which, from their excitement
you'd think was Spring Break. Meanwhile, somewhere in the middle of
the woods, presumably not far away, a Collie dog named Flashy
(Lassie's younger cousin?) traipses about the woods with his
redneck owner and pis*es on some Indian relic in the woods,
subsequently raising the dead and getting the hatchet from that
nearly 400 year old turkey (As a note, the film claims Tom Turkey
is 510 years old. But my math says that 2009 minus 1621 equals 388.
So someone missed math class somewhere along the way). Not for
nothing, but anyway you do the math that's a long time to hold a
grudge. When the kids break down on the side of the road, they
decide that instead of trying to get help (nice to see no one has
or uses their cellphones), they should break out the tents and
booze it up right where they broke down. Sadly for them it s a full
moon, and with Tom Turkey on the prowl it s going to be on long
night for some of them it s going to be their last! Listen folks,
when it comes to Thanksgiving horror the pickin's are pretty slim.
ThanksKilling is a film that no matter how good or bad it is will
automatically find itself into every annoying holiday list cra*ped
out by a wide variety of film sites, simply because there's no
competition. I'm not knockin this. I'm just sayin . But is it
really worth your time? That depends. Overall, this is a pretty
flaccid, albeit slightly entertaining pic that has some mildly
redeeming points, if what you're into is schlocky B-grade horror a
la Tromaville. There were a few things that pleasantly surprised
me, though. There's not much to comment on regarding the acting. It
s pretty much what you'd expect from a film called ThanksKilling.
But what I did like is that we at least get a few entertaining
characters, who, despite the cra*tastic acting and flat delivery of
lines that are delivered with the total enthusiasm of Ben Stein
reading from a teleprompter, are somehow likeable, or at least
laughable. Natasha Cordova (that hussy Ali) really stood out above
the pack, and not just because of her perky brea*ts. Her commitment
to the role of dumb sl*t really filled in the cracks surrounding
the characters we were supposed to be following. And it's sad to
say, but Darren (Francis) would have made a better final girl than
Kristen (Anderson). The homo-erotic overtones kept the comic relief
in full effect whenever Ali didn't get a line edgewise...
I SHIP TO USA ONLY
includes DVD disc ONLY, no cover, no cover art. Sleeve,
Padded envelope for safe shipping and confirmation number for
NO Refunds/No Returns unless defective, all defective
material will be replaced upon return
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