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SEASON 1, Episode 0: The British Are Coming Original Air Date30 december 1982
World War Two is raging but in the French village of
Nouvion,cafe owner Rene Artois wants only a quiet life plus some
slap and tickle with his waitress Yvette behind his sour wife
Edith's back. To this end he keeps in with the two German officers
who are cafe patrons,Von Strohm and Geering. He is therefore
alarmed when Michelle of the Resistance declares his house a safe
house for two British airmen,who have been shot down and who cannot
understand French.He is also to host Roger LeClerc,a forger and old
flame of his mother-in-law Fanny,sprung from jail by the Resistance
but,due to a misunderstanding,mistakes Gruber,a gay German officer
who fancies Rene, for Roger. Geering and Von Strohm discover the
hidden Britishers but when Herr Otto Flick,of the Gestapo,arrives,they agree to help. This is because Flick is after a favourite painting of Hitler's,The Madonna With the Big Boobies,which they wish to keep for themselves. To this end they give their uniforms to the escaping airmen.
Season 1, Episode 1: The Fallen Madonna Original Air Date14 September 1984
Colonel Von Strohm wants to hand Renea cute; over to the Gestapo along with the painting of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies by Van Klomp to get rid of Herr Flick, but Rene convinces them that it would be a better idea to try to forge the painting, give that to the Gestapo and split the money from the painting after the war. Captain Hans finds out that putting cheese in one's ears improves the sound of madame Edith's singing.
Season 1, Episode 2: Pigeon Post Original Air Date 21 September 1984
The airmen,wearing German uniforms,are captured by the Maquis,but escape and burn the uniforms,taking clothes off scarecrows instead before disguising themselves as onion sellers.
Von Strohm and Geering,now without uniforms,are angry with Rene and
he is given two carrier pigeons to send to London for replacement
uniforms. He uses the radio transmitter hidden under Madame Fanny's
bed instead when Edith kills and cooks the pigeons.
Season 1, Episode 3: Saville Row to the Rescue Original Air Date 28 september 1984.
Michelle brings a bottle of nitro-glycerine to the cafe for safe keeping until it is time for her to use it to blow up a German train. However as it is in a gin bottle Edith thinks it really is gin and gives some to Madame Fanny. Rene and the two German officers meet the plane bringing their uniforms but on board there is only a Jewish tailor who takes their measurements. He does,however,take the painting of The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies back to London to be copied.
Season 1, Episode 4: The Execution Original Air Date 5 October 1984
General Von Klinkenhoff of the German High Command is to arrive in Nouvion by train. Von Strohm and Geering are not keen to see him as he will find out about their incompetence and allow themselves to assist the Reistance in blowing up his train. The General survives and various suspects are arrested but ultimately only Rene is identified as a saboteur and is sentenced to be shot.
Various people try to help him escape from prison but in vain.
However as Gruber prepares to supervise the execution Von Stahm
substitutes harmless wooden bullets for the lethal real ones.
Season 1, Episode 5: The Funeral Original Air Date 12 October 1984
Rene's funeral is to be arranged by the village undertaker
Monsieur Alphonse. Flick,along with his girl-friend,Private
Helga,will be watching on the off-chance that the mourners will
include other Resistance members who can then be arrested,but the
plan is leaked so that Monsieur LeClerc will pose as the priest and
no Resistance members will attend. Rene himself is passed off as
his twin brother from Nancy,also called Rene,come to pay his
respects. In the absence of a body Michelle hides some anti-tank
missiles that she has been given in the coffin but of course it
falls off the hearse,causing an explosion.
Season 1, Episode 6: Red Nick's Colonel Original Air Date19 October 1984
The Resistance capture Von Stahm and Geering, whom they intend to shoot in return for the death of the late cafe owner. The task of shooting them is to be given to Rene in revenge for his brother's slaying. Fortunately he is able to enable all three of them to escape in time to meet the plane bringing the forged painting back from England,which they intend to return to Flick.
Unfortunately it is only after the hand-over has been accomplished
that they discover that they gave him the genuine original and they
have the copy.
Season 1, Episode 7: The Dance of the Hitler Youth Original Air Date
26 October 1984
Hearing that Flick intends to send the painting back to Berlin next day Von Stahm directs Rene to make the switch that night. A diversion is arranged in the form of a Hitler Youth Dance,in which local girls dressed in Bavarian costumes will perform for the Gestapo officer's delight. Meanwhile Rene and Edith,wearing the German uniforms that arrived on the plane,will
take the forgery back to Flick's office. Unfortunately the guard
takes the painting from them and sends them away. Now Flick has the
original,the London forgery and one he made himself to work a fiddle that would get him money to marry Helga after the war.Meanwhile the airmen are smuggled to the coast but,on hearing that there is no submarine for them and they must row home,return to the village.
Season 2, Episode 1: Six Big Boobies Original Air Date21 October 1985
Rene is annoyed when the airmen return and sends them away dressed as nuns with instructions to hide in the local convent.
Edith,officially a widow,finds Rene's will,naming her as sole beneficiary,and sets out to spend his money on a new hat to attract
other suitors. Flick gets Gruber,who once worked in an art gallery,to identify the original painting whilst the 'nuns' return and end up hiding in the piano.
Season 2, Episode 2: The Wooing of Widow Artois Original Air Date
28 October 1985
Because Hitler wants the painting, Herr Flick orders Rene to hide the painting, that's concealed in a sausage, in his kitchen.
Season 2, Episode 3: The Policeman Cometh Original Air Date 4 November 1985
Dressed as a pantomime cow the two airmen narrowly avoid being milked before going to a landing field to pick up their plane home. Unfortunately all the plane does is drop by parachute an intelligence officer called Crabtree,who poses as a gendarme and mangles every attempt at the language. Von Stahm and Rene meanwhile have to stop the train from reaching Berlin as it is carrying the sausage which does not contain the painting. They plan to blow it up and blame the Resistance but fail to do so and the train passes them by.
Season 2, Episode 4: Swiftly and with Style Original Air Date 11 November 1985
Flick comes across Michelle by the roadside,lying in wait for an ammunition lorry which she plans to blow up with a detonator disguised as a bicycle pump - however Flick mistakes it for a genuine cycle pump and blows his car up. Another escape attempt is to be made for the airmen,this time in a balloon and silk knickers are vanishing from the village washing lines to provide the material. Rene explains that the knickers are actually providing the material for Edith's wedding dress,as she has agreed to re-marry him. Monsieur Alphonse,who is already wooing Edith, is enraged at being spurned and challenges Rene to a duel.
Season 2, Episode 5: The Duel Original Air Date 18 November 1985
Whilst the balloon is ready for the off the cowardly Rene tries to duck out of the duel. Gruber,who is in love with him,offers to take his place,whilst Von Strohm and Geering plan to kill Alphonse before the duel can take place. However the plan is thwarted when Hitler,having discovered that there was no painting on the train,orders Flick to arrest the culprits, whom Flick knows to be the German officers. Rene,therefore,is forced to take part in the duel.
Season 2, Episode 6: Herr Flick's Revenge Original Air Date 25 November 1985
Michelle saves Rene's skin and his reputation by telling Alphonse that he is an heroic member of the Resistance. Alphonse thus has too much respect for him to kill him. However Rene is in drag,which gets him more attention from Gruber. Flick has imprisoned Von Strahm and Geering and also captures Rene,planning to torture them to reveal what happened to the painting.
Fortunately Von Klinkerhoffen stops him as he has more influential
connections than Flick in the German high command. The airmen are
taken to the balloon dressed as mourners in a fake funeral for Madame Fanny who has allegedly died of the plague.
Season 2, Episode 7: The Gateaux from the Chateau Original Air Date
26 December 1985
The balloon crashes and the airmen end up back at the cafe,disguised by moose heads. General Von Klinkerhoffen assumes control of the whole area, thereby making many enemies. The Resistance hate him for obvious reasons but Von Strohm,Geering and Flick also feel undermined by his presence. Therefore,at a party he is organizing to mark the Kaiser's birthday,plans are made to kill him,involving poison - in the pill by the till in the jug with the drug - and dynamite hidden in a birthday cake - the candle with the handle in the gateau from the chateau. The poison actually turns out to be aspirin and the candle seems likely to explode and kill
everybody so Rene tips a bucket of sand over it,explaining to Von
Klinkerhoffen that it was done as a respectful gesture to mark the
Season 3, Episode 1: The Nicked Knockwurst Original Air Date 5 December 1986
Flick's sausage,containing the forged painting,is kidnapped
by the Communist resistance,who demand a ransom for its return. Von
Strohm and Geering,anxious that Flick does not discover their part
in the deception,get Rene to pay the ransom,which he does with
money Edith obtains from Alphonse. Dressed as a German soldier Rene
drops off the money,observed by both German and French parties,also
in disguise. However Gruber turns up with his dog,who runs off with
Season 3, Episode 2: Gruber Does Some Mincing Original Air Date
12 December 1986
Gruber is about to mince the sausage his dog brought in when he discovers the painting. The Resistance pay off Alphonse,who provided the ransom money,with notes forged by LeClerc whilst Gruber is ordered to fake another copy of the picture. Michelle intends to get the airman out using an old aeroplane in the museum. It will be powered by the motor from Von Klinkerhoffen's lawn mower,which she has smuggled out in Madame Fanny's wheelchair.
Season 3, Episode 3: The Sausage in the Wardrobe Original Air Date
19 December 1986
Waitress Maria is sent to Gruber with the genuine painting in
order for him to copy it. However she is intercepted by Von
Klinkerhoffen who puts the painting,inside the sausage,in his
wardrobe and refuses to release Maria until he gets his lawn mower
motor back. Rene,Von Strohm,Geering and Flick,using the secret
passages,break into the chateau to steal back the painting.
Season 3, Episode 4: Flight of Fancy Original Air Date 26 December 1986
Rene has successfully got the painting back so Michelle
concentrates on her plan to get the airmen away in the ancient
aeroplane. It is to be drawn by a car and catapulted into the
air,requiring Rene to steal 800 metres of men's braces,which he
does under the guise of his Brotherhood of the Night-Owl. Flick and
Helga,aware that something may be afoot,turn up in his staff car
but it is flattened by a runaway steam-roller so they miss seeing
the failed escape when the plane fails to take off and Rene is
flung through the air.
Season 3, Episode 5: Pretty Maids All in a Row Original Air Date 2 January 1987
The airmen are disguised as waitresses at the cafe.However,Von Klinkerhoffen recognizes a Van Gogh,behind which Rene has hidden The Fallen Madonna,and he requisitions it to be taken to the chateau,along with the two 'waitresses'. To thwart this an elaborate pantomime is staged,whereby the two men dress as tarts out to seduce Rene.A supposedly enraged Edith then 'shoots' them with a gun loaded with blanks. The 'corpses' are taken to Alphonse's funeral parlour under which a tunnel has been dug,connecting to the prisoner-of-war camp across the road,in which it is planned to hide the two fugitives.
Season 3, Episode 6: The Great Un-Escape Original Air Date 9 January 1987
As Rene communicates with London on the radio hidden under
Madame Fanny's bed Flick listens in and learns of the plan to dig
the tunnel into the prison camp. The airmen and Alphonse need help
in digging so Rene and his staff join in. Von Strohm and Geering
follow Rene and go through the tunnel,which collapses behind
them,trapping them and Rene in the camp with the airmen and the
cafe staff. Von Klinkerhoffen is about to make his inspection of
the prisoners but the Germans and the girls are disguised as
British servicemen and fool him.
Season 4, Episode 1: Hans Goes Over the Top Original Air Date 7 November 1987
Whilst the suspicious Flick and his henchman Von Smallhausen dig their own tunnel into the camp,the prisoners are planning a mass escape. Von Strohm volunteers Geering as the first to go and he is catapulted over the wire and spirited away into the woods by the Resistance. Gruber dresses as a nun in order to get into the camp to free the others but they take advantage of an entertainment about to be staged and dress up as dancing girls.
Season 4, Episode 2: Camp Dance Original Air Date14 November 1987
Flick and Von Smallhausen tunnel their way into the camp,only
to find that,along with Gruber,everybody has escaped disguised as
dancing girls.Flick intercepts Rene's call to London but
Rene,realizing this,destroys his radio. The Resistance now have no
radio. Nor do they have Maria,who disguised herself as a Red Cross
parcel but,due to insufficient stamps,was sent back to Switzerland.
Geering has also gone,since the Resistance assumed he was an
escaping British officer and took him to London,where he now has an
office in Piccadilly Circus.
Season 4, Episode 3: Good Staff Are Hard to Find
Original Air Date21 November 1987
To replace Maria,Michelle brings in Mimi Labonq,who is very tiny but very tenacious and vows to be Rene's bodyguard. She is also very fanatical and Rene has to stop her from poisoning Flick.
A new radio is also brought to the cafe by Roger LeClerc but this
coincides with the arrival of Geering's replacement,the Italian
Captain Bertorelli. He too almost falls victim to Mimi when he
misunderstands her invitation to go upstairs and look at some
Season 4, Episode 4: The Flying Nun
Original Air Date 28 November 1987
Flick suspects Von Strohm and the general of being part of a
plot to kill Hitler and plants a microphone,disguised as a
daffodil,in the general's office but the only conversation is the
Germans trying to get rid of Bertorelli. The Resistance need an
aerial to be placed above Flick's jamming signal to block it out so
Mimi,dressed as a nun,is sent up in the air attached to a box kite.
She asks London to send explosives. Alphonse catches Rene and
Yvette at it and regards Edith as back on the market.
seaon 4, Episode 5: The Sausage in the Trousers
Original Air Date 5 December 1987
The Resistance are awaiting batteries,stolen from the
Germans,to operate the wireless under the bed and,in the
meantime,Michelle has Rene and Yvette pedalling a bicycle attached
to a generator to power it. Helga exposes Flick's efforts to bug
the general's office and Von Klinkerhoffen has him arrested. Gruber
completes his forgery of the painting and delivers it wrapped up in
a sausage. However it gets mixed up with real sausages and ones
containing batteries and explosives.
Season 4, Episode 6: The Jet-Propelled Mother-In-Law
Original Air Date 12 December 1987
The British air force drops a spy camera with which the
Resistance are to photograph the plans for the German invasion of
England. However the camera lands in Alphonse's vineyard,which Von
Klinkerhoffen has commandeered. When he orders the locals to
harvest the grapes the camera is rescued and two attempts made to
kill the general. One involves poisoned wine but Alphonse ends up
with the glass and spits out the wine.The reserve plan has
explosives hidden in Madame Fanny's wheelchair but this too goes
wrong and the wheelchair goes whizzing across the countryside.
Season 5, Episode 1: Desperate Doings in the Dungeon
Original Air Date 3 September 1988
Flick,dragged up as Irma Von Kinkenrotten,the disguise he
used to plant the bug,is still in the dungeon. Von Strohm and Von
Klinkerhoffen,aware that he knows of the forgeries,feel he should
be silenced and hatch a plan. The Resistance,led by Rene dressed as
Himmler,will spring him. The German officers,dressed as
Gestapo,whom they will blame if anything goes wrong,are to thwart
the escape and put paid to Flick. However,the Resistance have
effected the escape before the Germans arrive and they find only
Rene,who has swapped places with Flick as the prisoner.
Season 5, Episode 2: The Camera in the Potato
Original Air Date 10 September 1988
Rene is finally rescued by Gruber and returns to the
cafe,where Michelle tells him that he must take the camera,hidden
in a potato,into the chateau and photograph the invasion plans in
the safe. The general is lured away to the cafe,where,surviving a
seduction attempt by Edith,he finds the colonel in bed with Yvette.
Rene is about to enter the chateau when there is an air raid.
Season 5, Episode 3:
Original Air Date 17 September 1988
Rene manages to photograph the safe,which is in Gruber's room
and which LeClerc believes he can blow open. Alphonse tells Edith
of Rene's affair with Yvette but she believes his denial. Von
Klinkerhoffen takes a fancy to Helga and they have a private dinner
in his room. Flick and Von Smallhausen,posing as gypsy
violinists,serenade them in order to learn whether the general
intends to kill Hitler. Smoke bombs are to be dropped down Gruber's
chimney,causing a diversion which will allow Rene and LeClerc to
come in and open the safe. By mistake the smoke bombs are thrown
down the general's chimney instead and he calls the fire
Season 5, Episode 4:
Return of the Paintings
Original Air Date 24 September 1988
Von Klinkerhoffen assumes that the 'gypsies' caused the smoke
bomb incident and orders their arrest,so they hide in the wardrobe.
This gets blown to bits when LeClerc blows the safe up,but its
contents are not the invasion plans but the original Fallen Madonna
painting and the Van Gogh the general stole from Rene.The Gestapo
officers, Rene and LeClerc all escape but the last two are
disguised as Germans and are captured by the Communist Resistance
and held prisoner in an old saw-mill. Flick believes the safe blew
up because Gruber was hiding explosives with which to kill Hitler
and orders Helga to chat him up to find out more. Whilst she is
doing so Crabtree and the resistance steal Gruber's tank in order
to rescue Rene and LeClerc but Edith crashes it into the village's
Season 5, Episode 5:
Original Air Date 1 October 1988
While René is told he'll marry Denise Laroque, the
British airmen try to surrender to the Germans.
Season 5, Episode 6:
A Marriage of Inconvenience
Original Air Date 8 October 1988
Rene is not looking forward to marrying Denise and agrees to
a romantic dinner with Edith. Michelle has abducted Denise and
hidden her in an old mine shaft,the plan being that Edith will take
her place at the altar next day. Gruber,not happy at seeing the man
he loves get married,is charged by the general to ask Rene where
the paintings are and is assured that they are safe. The wedding
goes ahead and Rene is surprised to see,when she lifts her
veil,that his bride is Edith,not Denise. However the marriage is
not legal because,in a counter-plan to prevent the union,the vicar
has been replaced by Crabtree.
Season 5, Episode 7:
Original Air Date 15 October 1988
René hasn't married Denise and now tries to find a
place to hide because he fears Denise wants to kill him.
Season 5, Episode 8:
The Long-Distance Duck
Original Air Date 22 October 1988
Rene is thrown out of their truck by the Communists and
reports that the paintings are with the Communists at their
head-quarters. The general plans an attack to recover them,using
Bertorelli's Italians but they are lazy and unwilling to cooperate.
A generals' conference is to be held in which the invasion of
England is likely to be discussed. Michelle gets Rene to do the
catering and to get as much information as he can on the invasion.
The results will be sent back to England with a long-distance
Season 5, Episode 9:
The Generals' Conference
Original Air Date 29 October 1988
The generals gather for the conference but the Resistance
learn that one is a French collaborator and must be eliminated so
Mimi poisons him and Crabtree takes his place. The duck which will
carry the message to England escapes and is shot by Bertorelli but
the rest of the plan goes ahead. Edith causes a diversion by
offering the generals a curiously strong peppermint each which is a
doctored pill which has them foaming at the mouth and requires them
to go to hospital. Rene then takes a photograph of the plans using
a camera concealed in a 'flip-up' apron. Flick meanwhile has Helga
fitted for her - leather -wedding dress.
Season 5, Episode 10:
Michelle's Secret Love
Original Air Date 5 November 1988
General Von Klinkerhoffen tells Von Strohm and Gruber to
catch and kill Rene for trying to poison a group of high
Season 5, Episode 11:
The British Invasion
Original Air Date 12 November 1988
German generals plan to meet at the café disguised as
onion sellers. So does a new group of shot down British
Season 5, Episode 12:
Parade of Prams
Original Air Date 19 November 1988
Colonel Von Strohm and Gruber tell René to steal the
paintings from the headquarters of the Communist Resistance.
Season 5, Episode 13:
The Bank Job
Original Air Date 26 November 1988
In order to free Von Strohm, Gruber, Bertorelli (and Mimi and
the paintings), René and the others have to rob a bank to
pay ransom to the communists.
Season 5, Episode 14:
Communists in the Cupboard
Original Air Date 3 December 1988
The money that René and the gang have robbed from the
bank turns out to be from Herr Flick, which makes René very
Season 5, Episode 15:
Forged Francs Fishsellers
Original Air Date 10 December 1988
Herr Flick tries to find his forged stolen money by selling
fish in the town square with Von Smallhausen.
Season 5, Episode 16:
The Exploding Bedpan
Original Air Date17 December 1988
Monsieur Alphonse is in the hands of the Gestapo and because
they fear he might talk and give them away, the colonel and Gruber
want him dead.
Season 5, Episode 17:
Original Air Date 24 December 1988
When Helga tells Von Strohm the stolen money was false, he
thinks up a plan to get rid of the money and captain
Season 5, Episode 18:
Leclerc Against the Wall
Original Air Date 31 December 1988
Herr Flick has arrested monsieur Leclerc and lets it be known
he will be shot if the stolen Gestapo money isn't returned.
Season 5, Episode 19:
Original Air Date 7 January 1989
To prevent the Germans from getting it, the resistance will
bring 1,000 kilo of explosives to René, disguised as 500
Season 5, Episode 20:
Original Air Date 14 January 1989
Herr Flick knows where the land mines are and, with Von
Smallhausen, hides in them to arrest resistance members when they
pick the mines up.
Season 5, Episode 21:
Original Air Date 21 January 1989
After hearing yet another absurd plan of Michelle,
René has had it and plans to take the train to Switzerland
with Yvette and the paintings.
Season 5, Episode 22:
The Geneva Express
Original Air Date 28 January 1989
Many mishaps on the Geneva Express where Edith, Mimi and
Yvette want René and the Germans and the Gestapo want the
Season 5, Episode 23:
Original Air Date 4 February 1989
René and his personnel have to impersonate the
Excelsior Quartet at the chateau.
Season 5, Episode 24:
Renewing the Vows
Original Air Date 11 February 1989
Monsieur Alphonse has proposed to Edith and René is
scared he'll lose the café and the gold in the cuckoo's
clock, so he decides to marry Edith.
Season 5, Episode 25:
The Big Flush
Original Air Date 18 February 1989
Michelle gives René the Enigma machine and tells him
to put it in a wine barrel and throw it in the sewer where a
British submarine awaits it.
Season 5, Episode 26:
Original Air Date 25 February 1989
Because they have been unable to get the Enigma machine to
England, the Resistance has thought up a plan to get some British
Intelligence people to Nouvion.
Season 6, Episode 1:
Original Air Date2 September 1989
The Resistance is building a communication center in the
empty grave of René's twin brother and madame Fanny
announces she's going to marry Ernest Leclerc.
Season 6, Episode 2:
It's Raining Italians
Original Air Date 9 September 1989
The Gestapo wants to find the headquarters of the Resistance
by pretending to be shot-down British airmen.
Season 6, Episode 3:
The Goose and the Submarine
Original Air Date 16 September 1989
Von Klinkerhoffen doesn't trust the Gestapo at all and orders
Helga to marry Herr Flick so she can keep an eye on him.
Season 6, Episode 4:
Rescuing the Airmen
Original Air Date 23 September 1989
The British airmen have been captured by the Germans.
Michelle has a plan to get them. So does the Gestapo.
Season 6, Episode 5:
Original Air Date 30 September 1989
Flick and Von Smallhausen are interrogated by the general for
impersonating army officers but released on the orders of Himmler -
thanks to Helga. A party of intelligence officers are visiting and
the Resistance plan to hi-jack their car,steal their uniforms and
that way infiltrate the chateau to get the airmen out. Rene and
Edith are the reluctant 'intelligence officers' but the plan works
fairly well until the couple find themselves handcuffed to the
airmen whilst the key to unlock them is in Berlin.
Season 6, Episode 6:
Original Air Date 7 October 1989
Herr Flick wants the painting to sell it to obtain money so
he can flee. So do the German officers.
Season 6, Episode 7:
Original Air Date 14 October 1989
The wedding of Ernest and madame Fanny is a cover for the
plan to get the British airmen to England by barrage balloon.
Season 6, Episode 8:
The Flying Bed
Original Air Date 21 October 1989
Von Strohm, Gruber, Helga and Bertorelli call General Von
Flockenstoffen to deal with a mad General Von Klinkerhoffen, who
wants to blow up the town.
Season 7, Episode 1:
Von Flockenstuffen in Command
Original Air Date 5 January 1991
Madame Fanny and Ernest Leclerc are being arrested after
stealing a motor bike and smashing through a road block.
Season 7, Episode 2:
Free at Last!
Original Air Date 12 January 1991
Edith and Rene manage to free Madame Fanny and LeClerc and
hide them in a folding bed in the wall upstairs at the cafe.
However they become literally embedded in the wall as the bed gets
stuck and Alphonse decides to use dynamite to shift it. This is a
total success but it also blows up the two Gestapo officers who
have come to interrogate the old couple. Gruber however comes in to
say they have been pardoned. Von Fluckenstuffen's plan to kidnap
Hitler does not go down well with the other officers when they
learn that they are to be part of his suicide squad. However Von
Fluckenstuffen gets drunk and demands to inspect Rene's
cellar,accusing him of keeping back his best wines. To guide his
way he lights a candle,in reality a stick of dynamite which
explodes,giving him a nervous breakdown. Thus he changes places
with Von Klinkerhoffen in the 'fruitcake ward' and Rene is to be
recommended for a medal.
Season 7, Episode 3:
Eloping to England
Original Air Date 19 January 1991
General Von Klinkerhoffen wants to give René a
Season 7, Episode 4:
Original Air Date 26 January 1991
In England, René and Edith see Captain Hans Geering
Season 7, Episode 5:
Lines of Communication
Original Air Date 2 February 1991
General Von Klinkerhoffen wants to restart the local
newspaper for Nazi propaganda. René should run it.
Season 7, Episode 6:
The Spirit of Nouvion
Original Air Date 9 February 1991
René and the gang, as well as the colonel, Gruber and
Bertorelli plan to steal the painting from Herr Flick.
Season 7, Episode 7:
A Barrel Full of Airmen
Original Air Date 16 February 1991
Rene considers flight to Spain dressed as an onion-seller but
is stopped by the German officers who ask about the painting. It
ends up back with Von Klinkerhoffen,to the annoyance of Flick,who
asks Helga help him retrieve it. However she flirts with Bertorelli
to make him jealous. Michelle puts the airmen in wine barrels in
Rene's cellar to smuggle them out but the general turns up and
orders that the barrels be sent to the chateau.
Season 7, Episode 8:
Original Air Date 23 February 1991
The newspaper is published with Edith on the cover
representing the 'Spirit of Nouvion'. For the second edition the
general decides there should be a show marriage,to be annulled
after the war,in order to cement local relations. Edith will marry
one of the occupying officers - Bertorelli. There will be a
celebration and this will include wine - from the barrels
containing the airmen. Michelle and her group manage to float the
barrels out through the sewers but they get stuck behind a grid
under the cafe.
Season 7, Episode 9:
The Ice Cream Truck
Original Air Date 2 March 1991
The hinges on the grid are rusted on solid so Alphonse will
chisel away at the surrounds and the grating will be winched up. To
camouflage the action Rene will park his old ice cream van over the
grating. However Von Klinkerhoffen decides that he wants an ice
cream and,at that very moment,the winch pulling the grating up
blows the pump on the ice cream maker,covering the general with
vanilla ice cream. Meanwhile Helga has gone on a training course
and her replacement,Elsa,takes an instant shine to Flick.
season 7, Episode 10:
The Gypsy Carnival
Original Air Date 16 March 1991
On the discovery that a gypsy fair takes place annually in
the village,the new Resistance plan is to place a gypsy tent over
the grid to disguise the escape. However the real gypsies cry off,
following a bad omen, and Rene and his staff take their places.
Rene is a fortune teller,to whom Gruber comes,seeking a message
from Rene's 'brother' on the other side. He is frightened off by
the sounds of the airmen and runs off as they emerge from the grid
- followed by three other airmen,who return to the sewer at the
sight of Edith. Flick's has Elsa put the forgery in Von Strohm's
office but they are found out by the general.
Season 8, Episode 0:
A Bun in the Oven
Original Air Date 24 December 1991
Two years have elapsed and it is now September 1943. The
airmen have escaped to England and Bertorelli and the Italian
troops have withdrawn. Rene's hopes for peace and quiet
are,however,dashed as Yvette announces her pregnancy. With the war
now seeming to turn against Germany, Von Klinkerhoffen considers
assassinating Hitler. Gruber and Von Strohm hope to sell the
original painting,sell it and flee to Spain so they get Helga to
steal it. To ensure her cut when the sale goes ahead she 'removes'
one of the Fallen Madonna's boobies as her insurance.
Season 8, Episode 1:
Original Air Date 5 January 1992
Michelle wants Rene to set up a mobile radio station to
broadcast propaganda,the parts of which will be dropped by plane.
Unfortunately they fall down one of the chateau's chimneys. Happily
a Spanish flamenco group are booked to perform there so Rene and
his staff impersonate them. Gruber is aware that the real dance
troupe contains a Spanish art expert to whom he is to give a
photograph of the painting for copying,but he gives it to Alphonse
Season 8, Episode 2:
A Woman Never Lies
Original Air Date 12 January 1992
Herr Flick gives Helga a truth serum.
Season 8, Episode 3:
Hitler's Last Heil
Original Air Date19 January 1992
When Michelle hears Hitler and Göring will be coming to
Nouvion, she plans to blow them up. Meanwhile, it's René's
Season 8, Episode 4:
Awful Wedded Wife
Original Air Date 26 January 1992
The colonel and Gruber decide to make a down payment on the
ransom while Helga is still trying to get Herr Flick and Von
Smallhausen out of jail.
Season 8, Episode 5:
Original Air Date 2 February 1992
Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen face the firing squad for
robbing the pay truck.
Season 8, Episode 6:
A Fistful of francs
Original Air Date 9 February 1992
Von Klinkerhoffen orders René and Edith to dress up as
Hitler and Göring pretending to leave town so he can catch any
Resistance group that tries to attack them.
Season 8, Episode 7:
Original Air Date 1 March 1992
After the colonel and Gruber find out Von Klinkerhoffen will
get the photo of Gruber with the painting, they plan to flee to
Season 9, Episode 1:
Fighting with Windmills
Original Air Date 9 November 1992
The colonel and Gruber's escape plan went awry and they now
want to make general Von Klinkerhoffen believe the Resistance had
Season 9, Episode 2:
Missing and Presumed Dead
Original Air Date16 November 1992
While everybody thinks he's dead, René is kept
underground in the hide-out of the communist Resistance as a love
Season 9, Episode 3:
Rene Artois Is Still Dead
Original Air Date 23 November 1992
Taking advantage of the fact the Germans think René is
dead, Michelle has planned for him to go to England to help the
British win the war.
Season 9, Episode 4:
The Fishmonger Float
Original Air Date 30 November 1992
Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen plan to kidnap Yvette and
Mimi, dress up like them and, using their keys, go to the
café to search for the painting.
Season 9, Episode 5:
A Fishy Sendoff
Original Air Date 7 December 1992
While René and the others make the final preparations
for the parade, the general, the colonel and Gruber - during a game
of golf - discuss the plot to blow up Hitler.
Season 9, Episode 6:
A Winkle in Time
Original Air Date 14 December 1992
Rene and the Cafe staff prepare to welcome the invading
British troops, and soon find that the invasion party includes a
couple of old friends. Lieutenant Gruber and the Colonel are
ordered by the General to stay and fight the invaders, rather than
surrender. However, seeing as their defeat is almost certain, the
two German officers decide to go AWOL, disguised in stolen British
uniforms. The second half of the episode is set many years after
the war ends. Gruber, the Colonel and Helga, now private German
citizens, return to their old French garrison in search of the old
friends they made there.
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"I received the Return of the Saint DVD set from the UK in an acceptable eight days after I placed the order. The recording quality is very good. The descriptive disc labels are very nice. Unfortunately, ep 16 is missing; and ep 21 is recorded twice."
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"Excellent Seller A++++++++Excellent Series & Quality Another series not seen since i was 7 in 1961 but always remembered the fantastic theme song"
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