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The Face on the Milk Carton (1995)

 Kellie Martin, who you hopefully remember best from the
series "Life Goes On" as Janie Jessmon, a high school redhead who
pretty much has a great upper-class suburban life.

Until one day, she checks out the face on the milk carton --
the "MISSING CHILD" photos that no longer exist, I mean who drinks
milk out of cartons anymore? -- and, gasp, she sees her own face on
there! Whaaaaaat??! But this little girl's name is Jenny Sands, not
Janie Jessmon. Curiouser and curiouser!

I'm pretty sure she had some flashbacks, always a good
storytelling device, and suddenly remembers that she probably was
kidnapped when she was really young. So she snoops around in her
parents' stuff and finds all this kiddy crap belonging to some
other little girl! But her parents are totally not the kidnapping
type -- so what is going on? She decides to confront them.







I'd be suspicious if my dad was the
head vampire
from The Lost Boys, too.


"Welllll, okayyyyyyy we're not actually your parents," they
admit. They are really her grandparents. The stuff Janie found
while she was sticking her nose where it didn't belong was their
daughter's stuff. Their daughter grew up and joined a CULT and one
day she left Janie on their doorstep and disappeared again. So they
for sure didn't kidnap her. They got stuck with raising her,
unfortunately.

It's a nice bedtime story and all, but it doesn't explain why
her face is on the damn milk carton. So she does a little bit of
research on this "Sands" family. Then, she and her lame ass
boyfriend with really nice 90s hair skip school to go take a peek
at these people she supposedly belongs to.

OH MY GOD!! THEY ARE ALL REDHEADS, JUST LIKE HER!!!!!

Obviously this is her biological family. The casting
department didn't go to all this trouble to find not one, but FIVE
redheaded actors for nothing. Clearly, you should have figured out
now what happened.






Ginger head-squeezing welcome
ritual.


Janie also has to learn to go by "Jenny" because her family
refuses to just give up this one little thing and call her by the
name she's used to. I also like this idea that the Jessmon's
daughter kidnapped Jenny and either got her name wrong over and
over, or she decided to cover her tracks by changing the name from
"Jenny" to "Janie". Brilliant.

And oh boy, are her biological siblings mean to her or what?!






"We hate you!" they insist as they
throw her homework on the ground.

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